An Uncertain Next Step

Hello again my old friends. Or is it just me and the blog at this point. Eh, either way...lets get writing!

Well, I have been processing for quite a while now. My last post exposed the fact that I have been struggling to establish my post-college life. I am a relaxed and fairly laid-back guy and had been working pretty hard to simply enjoy where I was in life. Yet, eventually the monotony of my life got to me (not to mention the unsupportive comments that flew at me from friends and family) and I became disheartened. Disheartened? No. Lets be honest: depressed. I had a break down and really came face-to-face with my shortcomings and the disappointments of the most recent portion of my path. I do appreciate the few comments that I received from close friends. Rest assured, I have improved since then.
And plummeted again. And regained hope. And then became unmotivated and hopeless.
It seems to be a wild ride on this my emotional roller coaster!

Well, let's recap and bring everyone up to date, shall we?

Since we last left our intrepid hero....

I was working with my father doing energy audits for the state and had hopes for an adventurous summer and possible exciting jobs beyond that. Well, we finally finished our quota of homes to audit...and not a house too soon! Don't get me wrong, I believe in energy efficiency and the position paid very well. Yet, we found out towards the end of our work with this program that about half of the audit we did for each home would have to be re-done by the insulation crew due to stricter federal standards. So...half of our work was really just governmental inefficiency and a general waste of resources. That really helped keep our motivation going when we were auditing some of the most disgusting, unsanitary homes in the state! Seriously, I really worry about some of these people...

April was mostly uneventful. Just doing energy audits, which continued through parts of May and were finished the first week of June. May, however, was terribly busy for myself and my family! First up was my mother's college graduation. For the last three years, my mother has been going back to school and finishing her undergrad degree in accounting. Not only did she graduate this May, but she graduated with honors and as the top accounting student in the university! That was really amazing! She was honored at a special awards ceremony and then walked at graduation. We were so proud!
But wait, there's more!
That day was actually quite entertaining for all of its eventfulness. We had mom's graduation ceremony in the morning, then a quick reception after, lunch with some good friends, then drove an hour north for prom events. That's right, my brother's senior prom was on the same day! We drove an hour because his date lived that far away: they did pictures up there and then loaded up for prom an hour away.
However, I did not ride back towards home with my family. They left me in town to meet up with some friends. Just me and a small satchel of necessities for the night and the next day. I looked quite comical as I waited for my good friend to pick me up at a gas station! Kind of a road-wanderer. So, I had a fun time with some friends and then my father picked me up and we went to a Green Conference in Denver. Very cool, actually. Good food, awesome products, and creative ideas.

That was the first weekend...

The rest of the month was also eventful! My father had his 60th birthday (oh dear!) and that was good fun! Also, my brother graduated from high school. He did very well at the little high school here and played an amazing drum solo with the jazz band at graduation. We were impressed! So another celebration! He will be attending CC in the fall, my alma matter!! Exciting!
Speaking of CC, I went to graduation in May. Oh dear! It really hit me hard when the class of 2009 walked across the stage and then threw their caps in the air. I am no longer a "recent" grad. It was odd to realize that it had been a full year since I had finished school. The memories seemed so fresh, yet fading so quickly. I had fun at graduation with some other ex-recent grads, but I will admit that overall...it was too hard and too real. Alas, time keeps moving forward and no amount of longing for the past will reverse the natural order of life. Rough lesson to learn, and yet I feel like I have been taught it repeatedly.

June was a nice slow down for me. Relatively...
I guess I really just got a chance to focus on my decisions about my future. What decisions? Oh that's right! You wouldn't know yet because I haven't been posting very regularly....yeah...
--drum-roll--
Americorps finally came through and offered me a placement. A full year after I had applied. A year full of filing all sorts of paper work, spending hours on hold with the program's center, being amazingly patient, and attempting to do everything and anything to get a clear read on the situation and my standing within the program! Yes, after all that...they offered me a placement. July 18th in Vicksburg, Mississippi. Problems: Mississippi in the summer for a Colorado native, Vicksburg being a brand new campus (in staff, not facilities), and my complete lack of motivation for this program. Yeah...I just couldn't see myself doing this. Besides, when the fateful letter came I had just decided to move on and make other plans. So, I passed. Whoever got my slot-- you're welcome.

Oh, what were those plans you ask?
In the last post I had mentioned wanting to work in a National Park for the summer and then look into wine positions in wine country. Don't remember? No matter...I did. Take my word for it. Well, the National Park positions were harder to find than I imagined and most filled up quickly. As for the wine thing...well, I am currently working quite hard to make this come true! Several of the wineries/vineyards in the US post "harvest internships" on various employment websites. I have been firing off cover letters and resumes like crazy. Current status: Applied to 21 and heard back from 5. No job yet. Oy! The hardest part has been getting my foot in the door. I know I lack experience, but I make up for it with energy, a strong work ethic, and a huge willingness to learn.
I just need a chance.
I love wine and want to learn all about it. I want to become a skilled artisan in this craft. It is so amazing to be able to nurture the vine, collect the fruit, and then carefully create something that is so amazingly complex and harmonious.
A thing of beauty.
I want to create something beautiful.


This post has become rather lengthy. I will update more on my job search and the state of my mental and emotional well-being later. As it is, wish me luck!



I need a glass of wine.