Such a powerful phrase. When uttered, you experience a beautiful sense of freedom and an equally beautiful sense of vulnerability. I love that phrase, though most would think it weak or simple. What is so wrong with admitting that you just don't know something?!
"What will the weather be like next month?"
"How will our nation handle the burdening decisions regarding healthcare and the environment?"
"What happened to my keys?"
"What happens when we die?'
~I Don't Know.~
I love taking full confidence in the truth of the situation. If I actually have no idea about something, then I will tell you that. Why hide this freeing fact? Admitting that you don't know also opens doors and presents opportunities!
"Oh, you don't know much about running a multi-million dollar business? Well, let me teach you and then down the road you can run mine!" This is entirely plausible...
Yet as much as I adore this phrase, there is one question that it does not seem to satisfy...
~"What are you going to do with your life?"~
The reply of I Don't Know usually only gets blank stares and stammers of disbelief. Most times I care very little about how people respond to this, but I must admit that I occasionally react the same way. Internally, I struggle with the reality that I am not sure about where I am headed. I want to make peace with this fact and feel assured that things will work out. However, trite little sayings and motivational catch-phrases don't exactly sell the idea~!
Yet, I work and attempt to remain confident and positive.
But...this city seems determined to undermine that. I find that it is cold and cruel. No matter where I go or what I try to do... the negativity and absolute lack of compassion press upon me. My neighbors fight--I mean, full on screaming matches and rumored black eyes. I try to get out and find little spots to escape: coffee shops, wine bars, work, bars, art galleries... I inevitably find the true face of the city. It is ugly and it is mean. Even as I write this, a man sits at the table behind me yelling and cussing at someone on the phone. He ends the conversation, "Whatever mom!"
I can't seem to catch a break. I have lived here for about four months and the best that I can do is a part-time job scooping ice cream. I apply and interview for just about anything that I can.
Got a call today about a job that I interviewed for last week. I really felt confident. I mean, I nailed that interview! The message: "Unfortunately..." You get the picture. So, money is still tight. Most nights I sit at home watching a movie with the volume turned up enough to drown out the shouts from next door and the street. I hardly see what few friends I do have in the area. I understand that they are busy-I get that. Don't think me naive or playing the victim.
Bottomline:
I really am not sure about where I am heading in life. I am also not sure how I feel about that. I do know that the status quo is not about to cut me any slack.
So, change the status quo...
